There's no turning back now.
I've worked so hard to get to this point, there can't be any turning back. The plane tickets are bought, the Visa sorted and everything's falling into place but each day is a constant reminder of my last moments here. Even though I don't feel that I belong here it's still sad to say 'I'm leaving'. I know I talk about this a lot; me moving away to another country. It's my biggest focus and terrifying as much as it is exciting. My life feels so strange right now. I'm in love with a beautiful man and here I am leaving him. Spending time with him is one of the easiest things for me to do. It feels like a really full and loving relationship; something I have not experienced before. I have never felt this loved before and he rings so deep within me that I often forget that he is not me. It seems to be a normal enough relationship where we still get frustrated with each other but we do our best to be honest about how we feel even if we worry it will hurt each other. Being with him feels very natural to me. It hurts knowing our time together is limited now and it's difficult for those on the outside to understand the situation. It's not as simple as him moving with me, and not as simple as we must break up before I go. Of course we won't be together but the implication of 'break up' seems to say that we don't want to be with each other but that's not true. He is a very special person to me and it pains me to leave him but he understands why I have to go. |
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August 2017
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