Life sure has very unique and torturous ways of making things happen.
I have lived in Vancouver yet again for just over a year now and one of my dream jobs is just a week away. This whole decision, this whole situation has caused me to constantly question everything about myself and it has been difficult. To feel that there is absolutely no space, no safe space to place any sort of faith or trust in it like I used to. Like I assume everyone else does. How does everyone do it? I often wonder; the happy people, how on this Earth do they make their lives work? The last year has been rather intense and certainly busy. Most of my energy goes into my job and making sure I am doing the best I can in my industry. And honestly, that is been really gratifying. I have a year of industry experience under my belt and I do feel proud of myself for getting this far. Especially when I remember where I've come from; that I really did give up on becoming an animator shortly after graduating from animation school. I'm not really at a point where I can say that the ups and downs of moving to the other side of the world on my own and leaving behind a man I'm deeply in love with have been worth it. I do want to believe that a few years from now I'll look back at all this and laugh warmly about it. Finally understanding the intensely doubtful moments, why I feel so disconnected from everyone, the purpose of feeling so isolated, and even how this blip of time in my life contributes to the future happiness I imagine I'll naturally fall into. Tranquil is my favourite word. It's just something that I crave right now. |
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August 2017
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