As the prospect of moving overseas becomes more real
I'm finding that I must take advantage of the simple moments I have here. Since returning home from Vancouver early last year the question that had plagued me the most was 'why did I come back?' There were a few reasons and most of them were tied to fear but there was less shame in explaining to those who would ask that it was because of financial reasons. With the feeling of abandonment by relationships that were so far away, the pressure to perform better in my studies and many disappointments, personal and professional, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough. Those fallen relationships I returned to hurt me deeply and I felt very torn about the decision I had made. I thought that I was afraid of realising my dreams; of living them because of an incredible loss of self worth and self doubt. It was an intense and wonderful year abroad that I will never regret but the whole experience took so much out of me that it felt safer to return home rather than pursue a career I no longer believed I was made for. Coming home was no mistake. It wasn't until one day a few short months ago that someone very dear to me said, 'You should be animating.' I knew as soon as he said it that he was right. That translated to me as, 'You should be doing what you were supposed to do in this life,' and from there began the inspiration to return with an unbreakable vigor to the other side of the world to do what I now know I'm meant to do. The time I have spent here has been very healing. I have experienced some of the deepest and most loving connections with a special few here. I have felt so much more love than I could have ever imagined I deserved to feel. My heart will be very sad to leave those people. Very very sad. |
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August 2017
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